Rosa the Intern

Hey friends!

Can you believe that we’re only three days away from the new year? Let that sink in. Three days. Seventy-two hours. If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably already started making the lists, the plans, the goals, the standards, the steps, the space for whatever 2019 will bring. Before the new year has even started, you may already be feeling the pressure to make it the “Best Year Yet” – like every party banner and photo backdrop will say this New Year’s Eve.

If you weren’t thinking about any of that and I stressed you out a little…I’m sorry.

Either way, you’re not alone! There are lots of opinions out there on new year’s resolutions: whether to do them or not, changing the terminology to “goals” or “rhythms” or “lifestyle choices”, and a myriad of other thoughts from various sources. Before we get caught up in yet another list or forego making one at all, let me share with you what I’m choosing to do this year. Maybe it will help you.

Full disclosure: I struggle with productivity. I’m a pro at procrastination (I’ll spare you the obvious pun potential here), but getting things done? Shoot, I can barely get through making a to-do list. On top of that, the perfectionism in me is STRONG. What a combination! A procrastinating perfectionist. This combination is actually a lot more common than you’d think. Studies show that the reason behind putting things off is often due to setting high caliber and often unattainable standards for themselves and others – basically. (Read more here). But I tried something new this year that has completely changed my productivity on almost a daily basis.

Here’s what I used to do: At the start of every work day, I started a list of everything that needed to get done. I mean EVERYTHING. Line after line would fill up on my notepad, and before long I’d have a list of 10-12 things to do, easy. At that point, the list would have taken up a good chunk of time in and of itself. The LIST was a TASK on its own! And it had eaten up – no lie – probably 30 minutes or longer (I told you – lists are NOT my favorite).  Every time I approached my work day with this method, I would complete almost nothing. I would be too overwhelmed by the list to start on even one thing. Classic perfectionist procrastinator.

Here’s what I do now: I still make a list, but its much smaller. I write down the top three things that need to get done for the day. High priority, high output, high impact things. Just THREE, instead of three thousand. And you know what? Something incredible happens. Somehow the procrastinator is motivated and the perfectionist is mellowed, and I plow through that sucker. All three things are accomplished EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. If something comes to mind that is an actual priority above something I already gave top slot to, I move something down to the “Extras” list, and if I get to it, I do a little dance. No lie. You can tell I’m having a great day if I’m doing little dances.

This is not a new concept. Its probably some funky combination of a bunch of advice I’ve received over the years. But it works for me! By focusing on three things, I’m setting myself up to succeed and making room for me to exceed my own expectations. Its one of the best things I did for myself in 2018.

What does that have to do with 2019? I’m doing the same thing for this year. I’m making a list, but its a small one. Its three things. Not three things PER project, role, environment, responsibility, hat, friendship, job, etc. Just three things. For the WHOLE YEAR. And they’re each measurable, specific, and loaded with potential. Here they are:

#1 – Make my bed every day.

        I rarely make my bed. And when I do, it doesn’t come close to most people’s standards of a bed well made. But even if I do the simple things – even out my comforter, place my pillows, lay my throw blankets at the foot of the bed – it jump starts my day and prepares a place for me at the end of the day. I once heard someone say (I know, so specific) that making this simple act a daily discipline can have positive benefits on productivity. I don’t remember what those benefits are, but I’m gonna find out!

#2 – Develop, establish, and maintain ONE new system at my job.

        Depending on your personality, this may either sound like no big deal or a HUGE undertaking. In my line of work as the Event Coordinator at my church, its kind of my bread and butter. I’ve given myself lots of time to learn this role over the last year, so now its time to implement some systems and teach my team through it. I LOVE this part of my job – it takes a lot of brain muscles and teamwork and thinking ahead. Its in my wheelhouse for sure, but its still work. And its just time to tackle it.

#3 – Study the biblical standard and significance of friendship.

        I’m probably not the only one who has complained about lacking in the quality friends department. If I’ve learned anything in 2018 about friendship, its that the potential for deep friendships is all around us – more so than ever before. Its our approach, expectations, and posture that either draw them close or keep them distant. In short: With so many quality people around me, I don’t really get the luxury of becoming a victim to loneliness. That was painful for me to say. Loneliness is a real thing, but I’ve been equipped with the Word of God to teach me how to lean on trustworthy people. This was God’s intention for us – to thrive in life together. I have a few passages and stories picked out from Scripture to guide my study, and I’ll remain open to whatever else God illuminates for me.

Those are my three things! Measurable, real, and high impact. There are too many complicated things in the world already. My list doesn’t have to be. Ultimately, if I live my life open-handed before God and others, He will exceed my expectations and plans anyway. These three things will come and go – but his plans and purposes in my life will remain if I make room for them.

What are your three things? Keep it simple. That’s how 2019 will be the best year yet.

Have a happy and safe New Year! 

I went to the beach today. Sometime earlier this week I started craving the smell of the ocean and the breeze that wafts in so mysteriously from the sea. I needed a clean space for my head to breathe and drink in the openness that can only be found at the beach.

That’s a bit of a dramatic description, but it’s the truth.

I don’t normally crave a trip to the beach like this. I’m normally the friend that goes along for the ride on another person’s escape. But today it was me. I needed the escape.

I think we all can relate to that.

I didn’t just randomly want to be at the ocean. The past few months have had interesting twists and turns that led me to a place I have never been before. My heart and my head were at a loss for words, and the world seemed like the most daunting place to be. Instead of finding solace in the word and the presence of God, it’s as if my soul had forgotten how to find its way there amid all the other noise of life. In a nutshell: I’ve spent the last few weeks drifting in my own thoughts, and for whatever reason, was struggling to get home.

And then, I went to the beach.

There’s nothing magical about the beach, but there’s something about it that always centers me. I don’t have to be out in the waves to be struck by the same sobering, humbling, comforting thought every time I see the ocean: “God is so big.”

God is SO. BIG.

I sat on the sand as my friend rested next to me, and I asked God to speak to me. I didn’t care what about. I just wanted to hear him. When you’re in a dry season and finally come to terms with your desperate need for living water, your ears are no longer waiting to hear what you want to hear. All I kept crying out in my heart was, “Lord, please speak to me. Just say something. Anything.”

I didn’t hear a booming voice from heaven. I didn’t hear a prophecy. I didn’t receive all the clarity or answers I thought I needed all at once. All I heard was not even a real word. Every time my head started to ask more questions, it’s as if the Spirit of God breathed deeply into my heart in soothing tones: “Shhhhhhh.”

At first I didn’t understand. Why didn’t God want to say anything to me? I came all this way and all he wanted was for me to be quiet? With each passing moment, the people on the beach slowly started to fade into the background. It felt like I had the beach all to myself. I laid back on the blanket and closed my eyes. And again, the clearest thought came to mind.

God is so big.

My problems are not all solved. My anxiety still chomps at the bit, anticipating its next run. There are still lists, tasks, relationships, and responsibilities to tend to. A day at the beach, no matter how lovely, can never erase the troubles life brings, no matter what all the cute plaques and embroidered pillows say.

But today, on a flannel blanket in the middle of a beach full of people, I was overcome by the peace of God. Maybe to you, that’s a commonplace occurrence. But for me, that’s a miracle. I wasn’t expecting to come home from the beach with that incredible gift.

I have a long way to go to making that moment a daily occurrence. I haven’t yet learned how to reroute my soul to a peaceful place on a daily basis, where I trust God fully and lean into him for all that I need. But I got a taste of what that’s like today, in a common place on a common Saturday.

If I’ve learned anything today, it’s that God is ready and able to meet you wherever you are. Sometimes it takes a trip to a new environment, but not always. Today, he chose the beach. Tomorrow, when I’m struck with doubt in my abilities, he will find me and fill me with courage in my seat at church. On Monday, when I struggle to find significance at work, he will find me at my desk and remind me of purpose and influence. When I’m at home in the quiet if my bedroom, stuck in a never ending cycle of destructive thoughts, he will come and untangle me, and give me freedom.

“Come near to God, and he will come near to you…” How incredible to know that he’s never far away. The breath of God is life-giving power. We would be remiss to not drink it in at every opportunity.

I face tomorrow with the air of the sea in my lungs, and a reminder that the God of Heaven and Earth leans down close enough for me to know him. I pray that as I’ve paused to breathe deeply, that he would use my every exhale for his glory.

I’ve been challenged over the years to not revert to a generic, vague answer when someone asks me how I’m doing. Obviously that doesn’t mean that “meet and greet” time at church is the time to air my deepest darkest baggage to my neighbor. But what it does mean is that God has placed people in my life who I can trust, and I know that when they ask me “How are you doing?” they are really asking, “How are you doing…really?” Hopefully you can relate and some of those people come to mind for you, too.

This post is a little different than my usual ones. There’s no cheeky introduction (maybe I flatter myself…), no story that will soon become an illustration, nothing that can be turned into a byline when I stick the link onto my Facebook page. All I have to share with you is some raw honesty that is a product of a particularly challenging couple of months. So in other words, you are the neighbor who greets me at church who is about to get an earful. But it ends well, I promise.

Its funny how difficult times make you question everything. That can be a really dangerous place, but it can also lead to some healthy evaluation. Here are some of the things I’ve realized this week:

#1 – Some things still hurt.

I spent some time over the last year recovering from lots of baggage and offenses, some more justified and valid than others. I moved away from home for a year to pursue ministry training at an internship an hour away, not knowing that the solitude of my apartment and the loneliness of that season would bring about a transformation of my life and revitalization of my passions and gifts that I will never forget. It was a game-changing year for me, and I came back home ready to conquer the world. I had experienced the balance between confidence and humility, and was ready to walk that out in a familiar environment that I had moved away from the year before. That worked for a while, until old hurts slowly began to resurface, and I was reminded that no matter how much I truly had grown and developed and healed, some things will still hurt.

Healing doesn’t mean you’re invincible from future hurts; healing is recovering from  hurts with the purpose and intention of move forward. Healing doesn’t make you exempt from future hurts; it makes you a victor over the past. I find comfort in knowing that if God can bring wholeness and health to me now, he can do it again in the future.

#2 – I’ve been trying to prove my worth.

This one is hard. My pride screams out that “I’M NOT WHO I USED TO BE! PLEASE DON’T TREAT ME LIKE THE INSECURE MESS THAT I WAS!” I literally scream that in my head any time I hear someone tell me I have insecurities, just like everyone else does. It’s true that I have come so far in this area; God and I are probably the only ones who will truly understand how much growth has actually occurred. And its also true that I’m really not the same insecure mess of a girl that I once was. But as I give honest thought and attention to the decisions I’ve made over the last few months, I can think of several times when my motives were not as pure as would have liked them to be. In general, I thrive off of supporting and helping the church, serving well, and being a part of something important. But in my humanness, ulterior motives have a way of creeping in.

Instead of walking confidently and humbly in obedience to God’s voice, I have attempted to cover every possibly need I encounter in order to prove how far I’ve come. Instead of serving faithfully, I’ve shown myself off. Instead of humbly doing the work that comes with being a part of something that matters, I have sought opportunities that made me feel like I matter. Not in every moment, but these things have happened.

When did I forget that more than my abilities, contributions, or creative capacity, God is looking for willing and available hearts to partner with his church, his Bride, in order to move forward with his redemptive plan for the world? Not just when, but how did I forget that?

At the end of my life, will people remember me, or will they remember Jesus?

#3 – The future is scary.

I believe what Scripture says about not being controlled by fear: a challenge to reject a spirit of fear and receive power, love, and self-control (2 Timothy 1:17); a call to be strong and courageous in the face of difficulty (Joshua 1:8, Deuteronomy 3:16), and so many other places where the phrase “do not be afraid” was boldly written. I also believe that living a life of fear is different than acknowledging our fears.

As a senior in college and a young leader pursuing ministry opportunities, I’ve found myself recently caught up in those panic-driven questions: What the heck am I doing with my life? What kind of degree did I sign up for? If I want to be in ministry, will I be able to make enough money to actually live? (No offense, pastors and staff members everywhere. Its a real question to think about, though.) How will I know what to do when I’m done? Who will I be when I’m done? Who am I NOW?! WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE?!

You may think that’s a bit dramatic, and you’d be right. When it comes to the future and what may or may not happen, my brain becomes drama central. The future is scary for me, and that’s a fact that I’m dealing with right now. But I do have choices to make in regard to that fear: Will I operate out of fear, or operate in spite of it? Without fear, I would not have the opportunity to have courage. Even though I don’t know what is going to happen, I do have some choices to make in the NOW, and before I know it, the future will already be here and won’t be as scary. Fear is a part of reality and has value: it propels us toward change, toward what is new and better, towards challenge, towards becoming courageous. The future may be scary for now, but it won’t be forever.

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So what’s the good news? With struggles like these, it may seem like there is not a whole lot to celebrate. But there TOTALLY IS.

As I’ve continued forward in my education and training as a minister and leader, God has also been moving my church forward into an insanely exciting season. This Sunday, we will be officially launching services at our second campus in the Salem area, a place that will be an extension of our culture in South Salem, but more importantly, an extension of God’s love to the community in East Salem. After months of working toward preparing and developing systems and growing a passionate and committed volunteer base, the day has finally come!

So much excitement and awe of God surround this day! But beyond that, there is so much responsibility to steward this campus well and minister to a group of people who will be new to us and possibly new to the Gospel message. Being a person who often becomes overwhelmed, I have struggled to believe that God could use anything I have to offer to make a difference in East Salem. What can I do to bring people closer to Jesus? Being such a shattered mess of a person (as we all are), how can I possibly be an effective representation of Jesus? Will anything I do even matter?

If I’m being honest… The cause of Christ is the most worthy cause to live and die for. And if I continue to honestly share my life, my gifts, my abilities, and my calling with the people around me, then it will not go to waste. There’s power in honesty. I plan to move forward accepting the person God has created me to be and living an authentic life in front of others in hopes that somehow they will see Jesus.

If I’m being honest, that excites me more than anything in the world.

Even though some memories are still painful, even though my worth may be challenged and shaken, even though the future remains unclear: I can partake in the truth of God’s word by living it out in my life. And if I’m being honest, that makes everything else worth it.

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Please consider joining us at Relevant Life Church East Campus for our official launch THIS SUNDAY September 18! We would love to see you there as we celebrate what God has in store for our lives and for this city!

491 Lancaster Drive NE | Salem, OR 97301 | 11:45am

Hope to see you there!

I used to think that I was a spontaneous human being. People who know me well know how incredibly false that is. I got the idea during my first year of college.

I was living in the dorms with 3 roommates – beautiful, smart, talented, and incredibly charismatic. It seemed like our little group of four – Balyo, third floor, room 314 – were always doing something. Having dinner with our hall-mates, hanging out at one of the other doors (lets be honest, one of the boys dorms), finding some excuse to go into town or take a longer road trip to Portland… the list goes on. Somehow we managed to have a pretty great social life without a ton of planning. Everything seemed to be off the cuff, so spontaneous and out of the blue, and I absolutely loved it. I enjoyed not being tied to a schedule and a routine.

What I didn’t realize until later was that other things in my life warranted a schedule and routine, and ignoring those elements of my life would lead me to neglect some rather important things – things like relational boundaries, healthy sleeping habits, and HOMEWORK. Hello, homework is like two thirds of the college experience. How did I now know that? Lesson learned.

It took me a while, but I eventually tapped into my inner planner and now I thrive off of making plans. Events come and go and I seem to frequently find myself in brainstorming meetings and on one execution team or another. Most of my strengths include the different parts of developing a plan and making it happen: gathering information, dreaming up concepts, formulating a strategy, and including others in bringing the idea from paper to production. If you need more convincing, I have a whole Pinterest board dedicated to Event Planning. That should be enough proof on its own.

I plan. It’s who I am. But there’s still something beautiful to me about ending up at a shop in downtown Salem when all I had planned to do was to stop somewhere for a cup of coffee to kill some time. Text messages that say “What are you doing right now?” still get my heart pumping faster and sends a sweeping grin across my face. The adventurer within me waits for those moments to go “off the grid” – more like “off the calendar” – where reminders and timers and alarms don’t exist and all that there is to be done is the enjoyment of life and good company. Just thinking of that now makes me inhale and exhale deeply – how pleasant those moments are.

I’ve been wrestling with the tension between these two things this week, especially since my time as a college student is nearing its end. Plenty of new opportunities are becoming available to me over the next year and afterward, and my plan-making mode is kicking in stronger than ever. But does graduating college mean that I have more control over my life – or less? Will having a degree mean that I will be seriously considered for hire in ministry – or that I may spend more time at a 9-5 job than I would like while waiting for the perfect job to come around? When I become a pastor, does my freedom disappear or expand? What does it all mean?

How do I plan for that? Or do I plan at all?

College students everywhere are nodding their heads at all of the above. Maybe even people in different areas of life are thinking these same thoughts. As I have processed these things this week, the one idea that brings me back to peace is this:

Surrendering my plans to God is the best plan I can have.

Holy cow. Just saying this again to myself is proving beneficial. This isn’t some revolutionary statement I made up all on my own – this is proven over and over again in Scripture. The author of Hebrews illustrates it perfectly after summarizing the faithfulness of Old Testament figures in a chapter many call “The Hall of Faith” – each of whom walked in the purposes of God by faith. After reminding the readers of all that can be done by faith, the author starts the next chapter with a charge:

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.” Hebrews 12:1-2.

For me, the key to making plans is not whether or not we should, but moving forward in faith. I don’t think its wrong to make plans. I think it is wrong to have more faith in your plan than in God’s plan. I don’t think its wrong to have spontaneous moments. I think it is wrong to let those moments deter you from the race that has been set before you.

One of the things that has been on my heart to pursue for a very long time is missions. I have felt a pull towards missions work in some capacity since I was 13 years old but have never gone on a missions trip, and I am now 24 and about to graduate college with a degree and all the classes I need for pastoral credentialing. In processing this, I remember thinking so many thoughts about why I have yet to experience missions work: the timing isn’t right; that takes so much time and money and planning and I just don’t have that; I really would like to be married first and have the security of a spouse called to the same thing before I go anywhere… I’ve gotten to the point where these thoughts that once made so much sense are now sounding pretty silly and ridiculous. Getting caught up in the details and how I played out this part of my call in my head is distracting me from hearing direction from God. Once I silence those things, I feel the permission from God to pursue missions right where I am, in this stage of life. It doesn’t fit my plan, but somehow it now feels right. I’m now in the process of figuring out and solidifying my first missions trip for the summer of 2017 after I graduate, and I couldn’t be more excited.

As we can see, God gives us so much room and freedom to exercise our gifts and abilities within his plan – and gives himself as the fixed point of our lives. Knowing that I can run my race by having faith and fixing my eyes on Jesus leaves room for spontaneity AND structure, for plans AND pauses. And what is promised is joy and a faith perfected. That sounds like heaven to me.

Last summer the church where I was interning had a guest speaker named Steve Kramer, whom I had met before, and who since then has become a dear friend and influence in my life. He serves as the Chi Alpha pastor at the University of Oregon  and is soon to celebrate the completion of his first year in this ministry and at this location. I caught up with him when he came to speak that Sunday, and I distinctly remember a conversation I had with him about plans. He is always somewhat jokingly trying to get me to move to Eugene to be on staff for U of O Chi Alpha, so it didn’t surprise me when he asked me what my plans where after I graduated from Northwest University with my degree in Ministry Leadership. I remember my answer and I think of it often:

“I’ve kind of stopped making plans.”

Depending on the motive behind the statement, this can imply so many different things. But in this particular moment, what I meant was that instead of trying to keep myself three steps ahead of God at all times (which is very much impossible), or at least appear to other people like I have my stuff together at all times, I’ve decided to remain faithful to God and his purposes and commit to obedience. That is my plan. That is what I meant in that conversation. I remember saying it with finality, and with security knowing that it was the best way to answer that question.

When I think about the future and get overwhelmed, I remember this statement and feel the same kind of resolution. At the end of the day, I choose to be faithful to my race, to what God has set in front of me, and to obedience. Everything else will come as it may and fall into place as the Father permits it. That is all the plans that I need.

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I hope you were blessed and encouraged by this! Comment below or on the Facebook post about how you feel about plans – I would love to hear your thoughts. Also, please be praying for me as I work toward pursuing missions at a greater capacity in the coming year. I’ll keep you posted! Thanks for reading!

I was late to sound check this morning.

I don’t mean the kind of late when you are just the last one to arrive and everyone is waiting for you to get started. I don’t even mean a couple minutes late when you might get a few sideways glances as you walk in slightly disheveled and a little more embarrassed than Scenario 1. No, I’m talking laaaaaaate. Like, 25 minutes late.

That’s right – almost a half an hour late.

For whatever reason, I went to bed last night thinking sound check started at 8:30, so my alarms were set accordingly. It was when I noticed the missed calls and the “Where are you?” texts from our worship pastor that I had realized my mistake. THE PANIC.

I’m really hard on myself already, but two mistakes I hate the most are being wrong and being late, and BOTH of them happened today! Let’s just say it was a VERY humbling experience.

Part of the reason why I hate being late is that feeling I get in my stomach when I know I’m not where I’m supposed to be. It’s the same feeling I get when I’m challenged by God in an area I struggle with, or when I know its time to move on from one season or project to another. The gut reaction I get in those moments is the same one I get when I’m running late. Why? I don’t want to miss anything, including the things God has for me to do. Humility and honest self-evaluation in these moments are extremely valuable and cultivate growth, which is always a good thing!

However… Sometimes my brain or emotions convince me of something that is false, like what happened today. For whatever reason I was convinced that I was right on schedule when I really wasn’t. In this case, the truth caused me to panic and feel embarrassed, but in many cases, I could really use a good helping of encouraging truth from the Word of God, especially when I’m questioning whether or not I am where I’m supposed to be.

In the last week or so, my Facebook feed has been flooded with newborn babies, engagements, weddings, and graduations. I have friends who are touring the country, starting new ministry positions, and making serious headway on huge goals. In the wake of all these new and exciting things in the lives of friends and family, my mind can try to convince me that I’m running late. My emotions have a tendency to scream out, “What’s wrong with you?” when I see people all round me experiencing seasons of life that I feel so far away from. It’s hard not to think that I’m so far behind so many people my age when I am still in college and many of my freshman-year friends have already graduated and started using their degrees, gotten married, taken vacations, and sent out pregnancy announcements. Reading dozens of articles about “The Joys of Being Single” and “Twelve Awesome Things To Do in Your 20s” only do so much.

So what is the truth then? Am I doing something wrong since I haven’t experienced these things yet? And I running late? Is there something wrong with me?

Absolutely not.

I mentioned a gut feeling I get when I know I’m not where I’m supposed to be. There is another feeling I get when I know that I’m EXACTLY where I’m supposed to be. It’s the same feeling I get when I walk into a meeting five minutes early and prepared to contribute. It’s the same feeling I get when I hit high notes in worship practice that I have been working on all week. It’s the same feeling I get when I get to watch youth kids go deeper into the Word and let God truly transform their lives. Any time I’m living out my calling, even in the smallest way, I know that the God that I serve is proud of me and my faithfulness. Those moments are worth it. Everything else will come in its time.

I’m not running late. I’m not a late bloomer. I don’t know exactly why I am where I am, but I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

I definitely should work on setting my alarm correctly, though.